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Jokes adapted to Skiing - Riding

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Author	Post
joshua segal Profile \| Galleries Rank: Member Since: Jul 12, 2004 Posts: 5964 Location:NH	Posted: Jun 04, 2012 - 6:03 PM GMT On a recent thread titled "Things about Summer that Make me Wish it was Ski Season " mapnut provided us the following joke: Quote: A skier, a telemarker and a snowboarder were spending their summer going for a hike in Death Valley. They met before dawn to check and compare their gear. The skier had a whole keg of beer. "We're going to get really thirsty out there, so we're definitely going to want plenty of beer." The Telemarker had a flask of wine and a big cheese. ""We're going to get hungry as well as thirsty, so we're going to want plenty of cheese." The snowboarder had a car door. "We're going to get so hot out there, so we're going to want to roll down the window!" Naturally, that joke could equally have been told about a brunette, redhead with the punch line directed at the blond. So here is the challenge: Begin with a standard joke (clean please - this forum is G-Rated) and adopt it to the skiing paradigm. For example: A snowboarder was speeding on the highway when a police car pulled him over. The policeman walks up to the snowboarder and says "Excuse sir, could I please see your driving license and registration." The snowboarder looks at the policeman angrily and says "I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!" __________ Joshua Segal

oldsnowboarderme Profile \| Galleries Rank: Member Since: Sep 01, 2007 Posts: 114 Location:Kittery, Maine	Posted: Jun 04, 2012 - 7:24 PM GMT It is a bright and sunny sunday afternoon as a skier and snowboarder share a chair to the summit. The topic of conversation between them turns to about "tithing". The skier proudly states that he tithes not only the required 10% of his income but an additional 10% as well. The snowboarder looks at him and says that is indeed very impressive but that he offers all his income unto the Lord not just 10 or 20%. The snowboarder went on to explain that he throws all his money into the air and tells God to keep whatever he wants and to send back all that he doesn't ... The skier had no futher comment for the rest of the lift ride. __________

brian1 Profile \| Galleries Rank: Member Since: Nov 05, 2009 Posts: 381 Location:Skiing somewhere	Posted: Jun 04, 2012 - 8:02 PM GMT Whats the difference between a snowboarder and a vacum cleaner..........wait for it..........the way the dirt bags attached!

midatlanticlost Profile \| Galleries Rank: Member Since: Jul 20, 2007 Posts: 427 Location:WV	Posted: Jun 05, 2012 - 11:58 AM GMT a snowboarder and a telemarker were walking through the woods. The boarder turns to the freeheeler and asks, "does stuff stick to your beard?" ....Oh wait... g rated.. I guess I should not go there.

rocket21 Profile \| Galleries Rank: Member Since: Sep 13, 2001 Posts: 8419 Location:USA	Posted: Jun 05, 2012 - 12:32 PM GMT What's the difference between a snowboarder and two large pizzas? Two pizzas can feed a family of four. Zing! __________ NewEnglandSkiHistory.com

loafasaur Profile \| Galleries Rank: Member Since: Aug 14, 2002 Posts: 701 Location:East of the Kennebec	Posted: Jun 05, 2012 - 8:24 PM GMT Page title: The Limerick Thread (that Bill29 hated). __________ loafasaur

rocket21 Profile \| Galleries Rank: Member Since: Sep 13, 2001 Posts: 8419 Location:USA	Posted: Jun 05, 2012 - 10:00 PM GMT Be sure to have this open while reading the jokes: http://instantrimshot.com __________ NewEnglandSkiHistory.com

mapnut Profile \| Galleries Rank: Member Since: Jul 31, 2002 Posts: 5076 Location:New York City	Posted: Jun 06, 2012 - 12:42 PM GMT Edited: Jun 08, 2012 - 12:20 PM GMT I got on the lift one morning with a guy in his early 60s and we had a nice chat. He looked like a pretty hard-core skier, but I asked, "You want to keep me company for a few runs?" "Sorry," he said, "I have to catch up with my Dad." "Wow, your Dad's skiing? How old is he?" "He's 82. This is him coming down now." I watched an unmistakably elderly skier coming down the liftline making crisp turns and carrying plenty of speed. "He's amazing. I'll be he's the oldest skier here," I said. "Nope, Granddad's the oldest skier here. He's 103." "Holy crap! He's 103 and still skis! Is he somewhere out on the hill?" "Actually, no, he's sleeping in today. He's on his honeymoon." "His honeymoon! Why would a man his age want to get married?" "Didn't want to. Had to."

Bill29 Profile \| Galleries Rank: Member Since: Dec 19, 2002 Posts: 2414 Location:	Posted: Jun 06, 2012 - 12:43 PM GMT Edited: Jun 06, 2012 - 12:50 PM GMT loafasaur, trauma revisited. Thanks to you, I read them all again and, except for one or two, they're even worse than I remembered. mapnut, the first three times I heard that joke I was in Maine. Even the meter of the punchline is pure Maine. Good stuff. You're revealing your roots.

mapnut Profile \| Galleries Rank: Member Since: Jul 31, 2002 Posts: 5076 Location:New York City	Posted: Jun 06, 2012 - 12:45 PM GMT Interesting timing, Bill.

Bill29 Profile \| Galleries Rank: Member Since: Dec 19, 2002 Posts: 2414 Location:	Posted: Jun 06, 2012 - 12:51 PM GMT Great minds, mapnut.

mapnut Profile \| Galleries Rank: Member Since: Jul 31, 2002 Posts: 5076 Location:New York City	Posted: Jun 06, 2012 - 2:06 PM GMT Quote: Even the meter of the punchline is pure Maine. Good stuff. You're revealing your roots. Ayup.

Skileader Profile \| Galleries Rank: Member Since: Jan 15, 2002 Posts: 1000 Location:Long Island N.Y.	Posted: Jun 07, 2012 - 7:55 AM GMT What do snowboarders use for birth control? Their personalities. Another version of the vaccum cleaner one. Whats the difference between a snowboarder and a vaccum cleaner? Nothing they both suck. __________ Bob P.

Skileader Profile \| Galleries Rank: Member Since: Jan 15, 2002 Posts: 1000 Location:Long Island N.Y.	Posted: Jun 07, 2012 - 8:03 AM GMT At a local ski bar 6 snowboarders ordered a round of beers, raised their glasses and chanted 4 1/2 hours. This went on with each round. Finally the waitress asked what it was all about. They replied, last night at our ski (ride) house we finished a crossword puzzel in 4 1/2 hours and the box said 5-7 years. __________ Bob P.

oldsnowboarderme Profile \| Galleries Rank: Member Since: Sep 01, 2007 Posts: 114 Location:Kittery, Maine	Posted: Jun 07, 2012 - 12:55 PM GMT __________

midatlanticlost Profile \| Galleries Rank: Member Since: Jul 20, 2007 Posts: 427 Location:WV	Posted: Jun 07, 2012 - 1:08 PM GMT One early evening, a skier takes a crossover trail that passes beneath a park slope. He cans see much, but from uphill he hears a chant of Thirteen! Thirteen! Thirteen! Curious, the skier stops in the middle of the crossover, and removes his goggles to get a better view up into the park. Just then, someone comes flying off of a jump, pulls a trick, sticks the landing, and then manages to take out the skier. The first thing the skier notices as he pulls himself out of the snow is a new chant from up the hill. Fourteen! Fourteen! Fourteen!

loafasaur Profile \| Galleries Rank: Member Since: Aug 14, 2002 Posts: 701 Location:East of the Kennebec	Posted: Jun 08, 2012 - 8:07 PM GMT Edited: Jun 08, 2012 - 8:08 PM GMT "Those limericks," said Bill29, "Are dreadful attempts at a rhyme." But he read them anew And came to the view That a couple were actually fine. Hi Bill! __________ loafasaur

MissDaEast Profile \| Galleries Rank: Member Since: Dec 17, 2002 Posts: 2323 Location:So. Cal / Exit 1-I89,VT	Posted: Jun 08, 2012 - 10:57 PM GMT Quote: "Those limericks," said Bill29, "Are dreadful attempts at a rhyme." But he read them anew And came to the view That a couple were actually fine. Hi Bill! Sometimes I wish that we were more like Facebook, and that we had a "Like" button. I'd be pushing it now.

bousquet19 Profile \| Galleries Rank: Member Since: Feb 21, 2005 Posts: 1813 Location:Shenandoah Valley, Virginia	Posted: Jun 09, 2012 - 12:39 AM GMT Like __________ "Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter."

rocket21 Profile \| Galleries Rank: Member Since: Sep 13, 2001 Posts: 8419 Location:USA	Posted: Jun 10, 2012 - 11:58 PM GMT Quote: Sometimes I wish that we were more like Facebook, and that we had a "Like" button. I'd be pushing it now. Maybe one day. __________ NewEnglandSkiHistory.com

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